Rush Report: CORT Season 7 Sacko & Championship

The seventh season of DreadBall CORT has officially wrapped.  While a celebratory, post-season Ultimate match will see the top ranked six Coaches compete in September, the worst and the the first have been crowned.

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Among CORT’s many traditions, each season is named.  Previous years have included;

S3 The Search for Spock

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S4 IV

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S5 Slaughterhouse Five

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and S6 Christ Punchers

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Most seasons are titled after pop culture references.  Season seven’s title, “Fresh Meat,” was literal.  For the first time since it’s inception, CORT welcomed two new coaches into the fold.  Their season debuts could not have been more different and their final matches are detailed below.

THE CORT DB S7 SACKO

VETERAN Steve’s Diaspora (Yndij)  vs FRESH MEAT Gavrie’s Bruce (Sphyr)

The Sacko is played to determine the Coach with the worst season record.  In a surprisingly tight field, the bottom game squared veteran Steve against fresh meat Gavrie.

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Set up is complete, and miniature truck nuts serve as a score marker. A ball launch takes on weighted meaning.
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Striker Scaramucci takes the early lead after Rush 1 with a 3 point Strike.
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Striker Megamouth keeps the game lively with a 2 point Strike to finish Rush 2.
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Rush 3. Rinse and repeat: The Mooch sinks another 3.
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And in turn, Megamouth scores another 2 to finish Rush 4.
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The Yndij in the backfield increase their lead. Another 3 point Strike at the end of Rush 5 puts the Diaspora ahead by a commanding 5.
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Rushes 6 & 7 are keep away, and repositioning. At the top of the 8th Rush, Stubborn Megamouth finds himself in a well guarded strike zone.
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By the end of Rush 8, the stealthy shark swims by threats for an easy 2 point Strike. Steve’s Yndij lose a bit of their lead. The Diaspora are ahead by 3.
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Rush 9. And the tide turns! The Yndij lose the ball in a failed Dash.
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The Sphyr capitalize on an Yndij fail, picking up the ball and attempting to score 2 points on Rush 10.
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But the Strike attempt failed.
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Back and forth, back and forth! Even scoring sends both Coaches into the final pair of Rushes with the Yndij still ahead by 3.
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A heavily guarded Strike attempt at the end of Rush 13. One success needed, one success rolled.
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Hammerhead sinks a 2 point Strike to finish the match with some R E S P E C T.  Steve’s Yndij Diaspora win.
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One the smartest, funniest, and good natured Coaches of all time is awarded the CORT Sacko Trophy.  He may be new to the sport and league, but Gavrie is not to be taken lightly.  He took a beating in the standings, but that recored does not account for games well played. Remarkably close matches throughout the season made Gavrie a constant threat. Now with Sacko in hand, Gavrie has the duty to “modify” the award before passing it to next season’s last place.

THE CORT DB S7 Championship

FRESH MEAT Brett’s Mean Machine (Male Corporation)  vs VETERAN Zak’s Russia’s Red Twitter Bot Army (Brokkr)

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A perfect Corporation record with a new coach, competes against a slow burning juggernaut Veteran.  It’s a match of green horns vs. a four time league champion!
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Set up is complete and a miniature Golden Blaine serves as the score marker.
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An action packed 1st Rush! The Brokkr head to score and The Ball Shatters! A new ball is launched and is followed by Run Interference! However, Mean Machine’s Bobby Boucher Jr. fails the pick up.
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The Brokkr finish Rush 1 with a castle break and 3 point Strike.
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The Mean Machine’s Shane Falco runs to grab the ball in Rush 2. And fails.
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The Brokkr capitalize, and Striker @Ozy Bear sinks 2 points at the end of Rush 3.
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Brett’s embarrassed Shane Falco redeems himself with a proper ball pick up, and 2 point Strike. End of Rush 4.  3 point lead for Zak.
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Rush 5 ends without a Strike. Instead, Guard @underthemotic looks at the ball.
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Rush 6. Fancy footwork puts Brett’s meanies into scoring position. 2 points! Zak’s lead is narrowed to 1.
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Rush 7.  A launched Ball Strikes a player.  A successful Dodge, but eventually – a failed pick up.  The ball scatters.
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Brett’s Mean Machine takes the lead in Rush 8.
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And Zak turns the pendulum with a 2 point Strike response. End of Rush 9.
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2 in the 10th!
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Zak’s Team Captain rolls down to pitch for a deep castle break through. Meanwhile, a challenging 2 pointer is scored by a grizzled Jack. Zak leads by 1 again at the end of Rush 11.
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Back and forth between Rushes! At the end of Rush 13, Zak has tied the game.
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Despite a last ditch Even effort by Zak, Brett’s Jimmy Dix scores 1 for the win.

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Reigning Champion Zak passes the torch (i.e. the well worn and battle scarred DreadBalls Championship Trophy) to the new winner. Brett finishes the season with a perfect record, a trophy, and the gratitude of other CORT coaches [Gratitude that Zak has been defeated in the Championship match]. Brett now has the duty of making “modifications” to the trophy before handing it to next season’s champ.
Several CORT Coaches will have an opportunity to seek revenge and hurl final insults during the post-season Ultimate match.  BreadDoll readers can anticipate another Rush Report from that game.  Meanwhile, Gavrie begins considering his team draft for Season 8.  That season will see its first ball launch in October.  Do readers have suggestions for CORT’s season 8 name?  Let us know in the comments below.

 

Long live DreadBall.  Long live CORT.

 

 

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Hobby Highlight: Alternative Coaching Assistant tutorial

The Greatest Sport in the Galaxy has a cast of colorful characters.  Thirty distinct teams have spent time on the DreadBall pitch, throwing strikes and taking slams.  It’s a randy rainbow.  It’s majestic mayhem.

But the sidelines cannot be forgotten.  Cheerleaders rally the crowd, Elmer and Dobbs call out Events, and the Eye-In-The-Sky surveils.  All in colorful chaos.  Also present?  Assistant coaches!

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DreadBall has a deep field of unique assistant coaching models.  However, adding additional staff is very easy and inexpensive.

I fancy some relatively bizarre things.  So I found their miniature equivalent and turned them into coaching assistants!

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Would BreadDoll readers like to create their own?  It can be accomplished in short order.  A step-by-step tutorial below:

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Step 1. Find your coaches! DreadBall is a science fiction game and fortunately, there are a lot of appropriately themed models available. However, even non sci-fi models can be a joy to see on a sideline. The various Clix models shown were purchased for less than 1 USD a piece.
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Step 1 continued… Star Wars miniatures. STAR WARS for life!  Again, all models were purchased for less than 1 USD a piece.
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Step 2. Basing. Plopping a miniature from another game onto the DreadBall pitch is not acceptable, and BreadDoll readers are no rubes. Grab your hexes! Official Mantic hexes may need filler for models to properly stand. Save time using Gale Force Nine masonite hexes.
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Step 3. Prime baby, PRIME! Army Painter Matt Black conveniently matches their drop bottle color. Convenience is a time saver, and saving time is saving money.
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Step 4. “Cut me Mick!” Get a fresh blade on the hobby knife to prepare for slicing. For this tutorial, a “Moon Tactics Broker” and “Dr. Harleen Quinzel” are going under the scalpel.
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Step 5. Low and slow, cut the model at the bottom with the blade flush against the base. Depending on the material, several small cuts may be necessary. When in doubt, it’s best to cut into the base with the anticipation of cleaning off excess after the figure is detached.
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Step 6. Clean off any excess material from the bottom of the model and make certain it can rest level on the hex base.
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Step 7. Prior to mounting, score the bottom of the model with a cross hatching pattern. These marks will help the adhesive.
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Step 8. Glue. Regardless of adhesive, less is more! Small amounts will suffice. Large amounts will look sloppy.
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Step 9. Touch-ups.  If any areas at the base need attention, the Army Painter Matt Black can be used to cover over areas of glue fogging and/or raw material.

Finished!  Easy, inexpensive, and most important – FUN.

Would any BreadDoll readers like to receive an alternative assistant coach?  Subscribe to our BreadDoll blog between 7/31/18 and 8/6/18.  We’ll randomly select someone, and mail a mini after we return from Gen Con.

Hobby Highlight: Miniature Superlatives

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December 26,2012 > June 11, 2018

I am DONE.  I have painted everything for DreadBall.  And then some…

My gaming club (CORT) went “all-in” for the first two DreadBall Kickstarter campaigns, and I grabbed the 2nd Edition Kickstarter bundle.  As part of our acquisition program, I made a commitment to my mates that I would paint the entire lot.

I initially anticipated twelve teams, a few giants, and a handful of MVPs.   That was an ambitious, but manageable oath.  Then, there was another set of teams, giants, and MVPs.  Not to mention a new game.  Then, there was a second edition.  Not to mention new, second edition components.  My commitment had serious “mission creep.”

Every team, MVP, Giant, Staff, Accessory…  Done.  600 plus models.  It was a hell of a project, and now I’m going to go drink a beer. Maybe more.

[returning to the keyboard after two pints]

In the five and a half years it took to paint these little galactic athletes, I learned a lot.  Miniature painting is a peculiar past time that affords moments of clarity on various topics; health, wellness, legacy, relationships, endurance, persistence, and dedication to name a few.  Practically, I did learn a bit about pushing wet pigment around on toys.

Below lies my assessment of DreadBall miniatures.  I call the proceedings my “DreadBall Superlatives.”  Fourteen Rushes, fourteen categories.  These opinions are mine and mine alone.  All of this took longer that I’ll ever admit.  Please share your opinions on my purely subjective distinctions in the comments.

Bur first, there are preambles!

I.  I chose very early to mimic the color (ahem, colour) schemes of Mantic’s production photos.  In part because I wanted to challenge myself, and also because I thought it would be a soft promotional tactic when fielding the teams in public spaces.

II.  I used Army Painter primer and paints.  I used a combination of Army Painter and Citadel tones/washes.

III.  I chose very early to strive for “table top standard.”  My gaming club plays games.  We don’t paint games.  We’re middle aged men with eye glasses to see, and pint glasses to drink beer.  None of us are scrutinizing the level of miniature detail from 30″ away.  Also, time.  With several hundred miniatures to paint,  aiming for “TTS” quality helped move the process along.

[Lengthy diatribe] Despite being a professional artist, I only began painting miniatures in 2010 with Games Workshop’s 3rd edition of Space Hulk.  This relatively new past time has been an interesting diversion from my normal studio practice of painting larger works on canvas.  In one way, painting a miniature is instant gratification.  I can finish a “TTS” miniature within a day, whereas a canvas may sometimes take three months.  In another way, painting a miniature is like a glorified coloring book.  I’m slapping paint onto a fully realized image that happens to be three-dimensional.  The process is fun, but it’s technique driven and strictly complementary/secondary to the work of the illustrator & sculptor.  As such, it’s no where near as rewarding or fulfilling for me as creating unique works from conception to final execution.

SUPERLATIVE CRITERIA

Form follows function.  In Dreadball, this refers to a) the physical game, and b) the theme.

a) [Lengthier diatribe] DreadBall is a board game.  It just happens to be a board game published by a miniatures gaming company.  Consequently, DreadBall has many miniature game trappings.  Nonetheless, there is a cardinal rule that must be observed in board gaming – FORM FOLLOWS FUNCTION.  If Coaches are not familiar with this concept, it’s a phrase coined by the exemplary American architect Louis Sullivan.  DreadBall is a tactical sport, and positioning is a vital concept for game mastery.  Positioning is based on a hex (pun not intended).  The hex is tantamount.  The hex is the alpha and the omega.  A DreadBall miniature merely rests on top of the hex.  The miniature must be subservient to the hex in order for the game to function.  If a miniature crosses the plain of it’s own hex, it disrupts adjacent hexes and the miniatures that rest upon them.  An illustrator and a sculptor must be cognizant of this fact.  Often they are not.  It does not matter how clever/unique/original a player design may appear.  If the physical sculpture breaks the hex plain – it sucks.  Creativity must materialize within the parameters of game play.  The parameter is the hex.  Break the hex, and the miniature is broke.  If that conceit reads broken to any Coaches – go play a war game with a ruler.

b) DreadBall is the greatest sport in the galaxy.  It’s science fiction.  The miniatures need to aesthetically complement the setting.  Sculptors and illustrators have a wide berth in this case with only two requirements: science fiction and sports.  Nonetheless, some DreadBall miniatures look like they belong in entirely different genres.

Also, humor.  DreadBall is dealing with an absurd premise.  Intergalactic warring factions of outrageously different species are competing in an organized and sanctioned sport.  It’s preposterous.  If illustrators and sculptors (and game designers and flavor writers) can embrace the ludicrous theme – so much the better.  In my opinion, games that are heavily miniaturized need more levity.  Coaches, check yourself and lighten up.  We’re playing Space Jam.

Without further ado, here’s are Prof Wojo’s DreadBall Miniature Superlatives!

1.  BEST TEAM SCLUPT = Marauders

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One of the first two teams onto the pitch, the Orx and Goblins perfectly embody the theme of DreadBall. Criticism can be laid on their similarity to other sports titles as well as a 1/3 of the positions missing (Strikers). Still, these sculpts are varied, unique, and charmingly reflective of the greatest sport in the galaxy.

WORST TEAM SCLUPT = Koris

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In what will become multiple appearances on this superlative list, the Koris are my biggest disappointment. Their illustrations were so rich and their gimmicky game design is so much fun. But never has a team fallen so short from conception to execution. The Koris details are soft and/or absent, the mold lines are legion, and the scale is woefully small.

2.  BEST TEAM CAPTAIN SCULPT = Reek Rolat and Raiden (TIE)

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Once a former MVP, Reek ‘Payback’ Rolat was transitioned into a Team Captain for the second edition.  He belongs with his Veer-myn.  A super sized, crunchy Guard with the armor and “Mantic Straps” all-over.  Raiden is the best embodiment of the Team Captain sculpt: distinct but recognizable.  How do you improve on a team of mean green sumo lizards?  Put some ceremonial armor on him.

WORST TEAM CAPTAIN SCULPT = Kal Terza and Supreme Leader (TIE)

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Are these truly the “worst” Team Captain sculpts?  No.  But they are the laziest.  In the transition between editions, TWO teams were left without a Team Captain sculpt; the Hobgoblins and the Teratons. The Hobgoblins got a unique sculpt for their Team Captain. The Teratons? Not so much. It’s just a Teraton Keeper.  A nice model, if only a subtle modification from a Guard.  But it’s no Team Captain.  The Martians Supreme Leader… Oh where to start… Never mind that the Supreme Leader would never disgrace himself on a DreadBall pitch.  These superlatives are about the hobby.  No, this Team Captain is the worst because it’s miniature is from an entirely different game with no modifications to allow it function on a DreadBall pitch.

3.  BEST MVP SCULPT = Buzzcut

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Dashing pose. Dynamic armor. Deadly snarl. Buzzcut can ram through Morg n’ Thorg any day. This miniature is the embodiment of a Most Valued Player.

WORST MVP SCLUPT = ORABB1

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What could have been! ORABB1 is a rogue medi-bot. That’s a fascinating premise to build upon. Unfortunately, this build is horrible. A five piece metal horror show that can barely withstand game play regardless of adhesive. But the most egregious part is the robot’s scale.
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A DreadBall model LITERALLY comes up short. To the left, an excellent model of a medi-bot. To the right, a catastrophe.

4.  BEST SUPPORT STAFF SCULPT = Fergus (Mercury)

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DreadBall has so many incredible, and incredibly funny, coaches. Fergus steals the show. Bling, blabber, and boast. 100% perfect.

WORST SUPPORT TEAM SCLUPT = Cheerleaders

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Get woke. Seriously. You’re telling me that in a game system about galactic conflict, all cheerleaders are scantily clad female humans? Listen, this writer is a cisgender heterosexual male who loves female homosapiens with hourglass figures. But this is ridiculous. The gaming industry can do better. Lets get some Judwan cheerleaders. Lets get some Matsudan cheerleaders.

5.  BEST PRONE SCLUPT = Teraton

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Prone models are awesome, and they help make DreadBall unique.  If a coach doesn’t use a prone model for a fallen player – they are committing an atrocity worse than drowning kittens. Laying your model on the pitch?  Go play another sports game.  A prone model abides by the law. The law of ‘form follows function.’  It just so happens that the prone model for the Teratons is LOL.

WORST PRONE SCULPT? = Nameless

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I’m no longer convinced this is the worst prone sculpt.  Honestly, there is no bad prone sculpt in the DreadBall line.  Perhaps the Hobgoblins, only because their pose is too dramatic.  But the Nameless get the nod here for… squishiness.

6.  BEST GIANT SCULPT = Brank ‘Boom-Fist’

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He commands attentions.  Big, bold, and battle armored.  Giant design space is awkward, filling into a three-hex base.  Brank is not totally in the clear in these regards, but he’s less egregious than others.

WORST GIANT SCLUPT = Karadon

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I love Karadon.  I hate Karadon.  It what should be the coolest and funniest model in the DreadBall line, Coaches are left with a model best suited for Team Captain.
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Karadon is truly, the “littiest giant.” For shame.  To the left, MVP (NON Giant) Grak.  To the right, MVP (NON Giant) Buzzcut.

7.  BEST IP (Intellectual Property) SCULPT = Hector Weiss

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I support various IPs entering the DreadBall pitch.  In science fiction, anything goes!  For those fantasy nuts still reading, just say, “A wizard did it!”  Hector Weiss is a clever nod to what I believe is a often over/under looked inspiration – Speedball 2.  I hope we’ll see second edition stats for him in the future.

WORST IP SCLUPT = Judge Dredd

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An active NPC model of the pitch?  DreadBall ticks off another mark for originality.  Referees are awesome, albeit completely ridiculous from a thematic point of view.  Alternative referees?  Yes please!  And so there is Judge Dredd.  Perfect fit, with witty rules to boot.  Except…
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The cast for Judge Dredd is tragic.  Underneath Dredd’s right epilate, is a gapping hole.  It’s not just my one sculpt.  It’s every one of my EIGHT Dredd sculpts (I once hosted a Judge Dredd DreadBall tournament).  This never should have happened.

8.  BEST COMPONENT SCULPT = Eye in the Sky

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What an upgrade!  Again with the absurdities; an anthropomorphic eye-in-the-sky is decidedly backward thinking when it comes to science fiction.  It’s almost charming its so naive.  But it’s funny and flavorful.  I’ll take more please.

WORST COMPONENT SCULPT = DreadBall & Base(s) (2nd edition)

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Cool idea.  Crummy execution.  The miniature bases are not compatible with first edition models, and the ball peg’s fit into either base is unreliable.  Sad Coach.

9.  BEST TROPHY = Azure Forest

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Originally, I thought the idea of DreadBall miniature trophies was daft.  No longer!  They’re great!  Not only are the fun and easy to paint, they look great on the pitch as Score counters.  The Azure forest trophy beautifully complements the lush illustrations of it’s jungle pitch.  DreadBall NEEDS more of this.  MORE planetary pitches!  MORE custom trophies!

WORST TROPHY = DreadBall “Grid”

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And then there’s this.  It’s not rubbish, but it’s not a ruby either.  I just don’t understand the cropped pitch.  It’s not a strike zone.  It’s not a sin bin.  It’s not a launch lane.  It’s just a bunch of hexes.

10.  EASIEST TEAM TO PAINT = Ada Lorana

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Great team with great sculpts!  Painting them wasn’t exactly effortless, but it wasn’t a chore. Spray Matt. Paint highlight. Wash. Drybrush and detail highlights again. Spray gloss. Hand paint base in Matt finish. DONE!

HARDEST TEAM TO PAINT = Crystallan

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Great team with great sculpts!  These rocky rollers were a total bear to beautify.  Picking out the translucent blue plastic was an essay in patience and/or insanity.

11.  EASIEST MVP TO PAINT = Slalaran Vesh

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Wet-on-wet, wash-on-wash, and a bit of highlighting. DONE!

HARDEST MVP TO PAINT = Grak

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Fun bits to paint, but wow is there a lot of ’em.

12.  EASIEST TEAM CAPTAIN TO PAINT = Graggot

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Beautiful resin casts are also beautiful to paint. It’s a pretty simple equation. Good data in = good data out. For Graggot, it was only four colors followed by a wash and a bit of drybrushing.

HARDEST TEAM CAPTAIN TO PAINT = Kryphos

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The Koris. Again! Same complaints as before, now applied to painting. Kryphos is too small and too soft. With no dynamic relief, there’s less to work with and that leaves a painter up to their own devices.  A challenge for some.  But for me?  Nope.  I prefer painting better models.

13.  WTF (Where the F***) AWARD = Koris Portal Tokens

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In order for a component rule to function, you need the component. With great mystery then do we have a team with a very clever gimmick missing the very component needed to function! Truly, WTF.  If there are any Koris Coaches out there, I would love to see how you created your portal tokens.

14.  FUNNIEST AWARD = Drake

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Wrapping up on a high note – Drake!  Drake takes the cake.  This model is positively gonzo.  A human boy riding an armored miniature dinosaur.  There’s accompanying flavor text which may or may not confirm the boy is a hologram.  It doesn’t matter.  This physical sculpt is bloody hysterical and it’s a prime example of why I love DreadBall.

Agree, or disagree below.  Long live DreadBall. Long live CORT.

Rush Report: CORT Season 7 Playoffs (2)

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Elmer and Dobbs make another appearance on the Azure Forest. Good luck Coaches!

Coaches!  This BreadDoll Editor-in-Chief has ONCE AGAIN witnessed one the greatest DreadBall matches of all time.  And ONCE AGAIN, it is only now that I begin to sober-up from an intoxicating evening of pure sports genius.

DreadBall league CORT held their second playoff game last night.  Season seven was a close affair among all eight Coaches.  But as the Championship game approaches, only four can go into the playoffs.  The second playoff contest was Brett’s Mean Machine Team (sponsored by Miller Lite) [Trontek 29ers] vs. Alex’s The Replicants [Draconian All-Stars].

I’m still no Jimmy Olsen, but I did my best to capture the dynamics.  Photos detail a few outcomes from key actions and positions at the end of every Rush.

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Set-up complete, and Alex’s Neo-bots take the first Rush.
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Rush 1: Alex ultimately scores 1 point, after a slick Extended Run Interference by Brett. Brett’s Jack took the ball from the launch and played keep away. Alex gave chase, knocking both the Jack prone AND seriously injuring Brett’s best Striker. Only then was it time to score.
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And THIS is what happens when you take the ball on another Coach’s Rush.
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Alex’s support staff is well trained…
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Rush 2: Brett retaliates with a two pointer. Score = Brett 1.
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Rush 3: Alex attempts to smash Brett’s second good Striker and comes up short via Brett’s leggy line of Cheerleaders. So Alex heads off to pick up the ball. And fails.
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Rush 4: Brett takes advantage of the loose ball. Two precious cards are spent, but Brett pulls in a one pointer. Score = Brett 2.
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Rush 5: Alex does what he does, and he finishes his actions with a two point Strike. Score = TIED
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Rush 6: Brett returns fire with a two point Strike of his own. Score = Brett 2.
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Rush 7: Surprise surprise. Alex scores 2. Score = TIED
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Rush 8: The pattern continues. Brett returns the maneuver with his own 2 point Strike. Again, the score = Brett 2.
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Rush 9: Alex pushes AND SCORES A THREE! Brett did his best to prevent it: An extended RI and two cards burns. It didn’t work. Alex takes the lead.
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Rush 10: And Brett returns fire with a two pointer. Score = Brett 1.
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Rush 11: Alex “lays wood,” and takes out another Striker with a Serious Injury. Then, a two point Strike.
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Rush 12: Brett’s Guard smashes the previously scoring Neo-bot Striker and sends him out for 2. Then, Brett’s Jack grabs the ball and shoots for 1. Score = TIED.
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Rush 13: Alex almost has the ball, until he doesn’t. F***ing Cheerleader. FLAUNT IT FLAUNT IT FLAUNT IT
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Rush 14: The ball is within reach. It is Brett’s game to lose…
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And what comes around, goes around. Alex uses his own Cheerleader’s ‘Flaunt It,’ and the Rush is over. Off to Over Time!
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OT/Rush 15: Alex is pole position for a ball pick up. UNTIL BRETT PLAYS EXTENDED RUN INTERFERENCE! An incredible string of luck allows the Jack to weasel away from threats, pick up the ball, run, and throw to a ready Striker.
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Brett scores 1. ON ALEX’S RUSH.
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Alex finally grabs the newly launched ball, and fires off a shot for two. Score = Alex 1.
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OT / Rush 16: Brett spends 3 action tokens buying cards, just in case he needs to reroll. Then, a reliable Striker just needs to double the pick up, dash, and score two. Doable, right? Doesn’t pick up the ball. CARD. Doesn’t double the pick up. CARD. Doesn’t dash. CARD. Doesn’t make the two point shot. COACH! Brett wins by 1.

What a finish!  Alex programmed magic with Romeo Blue and Linked.  Brett’s impressive Support Staff brought (bought?) opportunity and upset over and over.  Who would have thought?  Two CORT playoff matches BOTH determined in Overtime!?

Brett’s Mean Machine Team heads into the CORT Championship match undefeated.  More impressive?  Brett is a rookie Coach! is opponent is not so green.  Zak is long in the tooth when it comes to DreadBall.  His Brokkr team is grizzled, steady, and tough as nails.  Brett’s  This season will be his sixth appearance in the big game.  He’s won four times.

Do readers want to see rosters?  Congratulate Coaches?  Hire harlots for their own nefarious plans?  Let it be known in the comments below.  While you’re at it, subscribe to the blog!

Rush Report: CORT Season 7 Playoffs (1)

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Coaches!  This BreadDoll Editor-in-Chief may have witnessed one the greatest DreadBall matches of all time.  Only now do I begin to sober-up from an intoxicating evening of pure sports genius.

DreadBall league CORT held their first playoff game last night.  Season seven was a close affair among all eight Coaches.  But as the Championship game approaches, only four can go into the playoffs.  First to the pitch was Ken’s Lanier Heights Losers [Rejects] vs. Zak’s Russia’s Red Twitter Bot Army [Brokkr].

I’m no Jimmy Olsen, but I did my best to capture the dynamics.  Photos detail a few outcomes from key actions and positions at the end of every Rush.  Post-match rosters are at the end.

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Removed from the normal stadiums in the CORTroom dungeon, this playoff match was held in The Kearny Lounge at Hill House. As such, the outlying Azure Forest pitch was employed. Brokkr begin the 1st rush.
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Zak uses his Brokkr Team Captain to good use. His 3+ Skill Striker uses THREE actions (plus a card) to get into the deep strike zone. Score for 3 in Rush 1.

 

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Ken exhausts one card, and two actions to gang up on Zak’s Team Captain. The Driller Thriller goes out for 1.
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Ken finishes his Rush 2 with an unguarded 2 point Strike.
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Rush 3: Zak brushes aside the tree beast and scores a 4!
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Rush 4: Ken beats down on the last Stirker, and returns fire once again with his Renegade Yndij. 2 points!
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Rush 5: A pattern emerges. Zak now brings in a Jack to score a 2 pointer. Meanwhile…
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Rush 6: Ken lays the beatdown from behind on the recently scored Jack. Then his Cherry picking Stiker once again effortlessly grabs the ball and scores for 2. Score, Zak 3.
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Rush 7: I’ll be damned.  Zak uses his Team Captain card “Brokkr and role” – the little f***er rolls two spaces away from the Tree Beast, and then stands up!
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AND here’s the first big swing and a miss. Zak goes for the shot and comes up short. Ken’s Rush!
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Rush 8: Ken sacks Zak, but does not acquire the ball. Off to Rush 9! Score is still 3 Zak.
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Rush 9: Zak is caught in a logger jam. The ball remains untouched.
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Rush 10: Ken piles on! A barely seen Striker enters the pitch to lock up the Team Captain even MORE. MOAR!!! Meanwhile, Ken sends his Zee Jack to grab the ball and boogie to the.. Dugout?
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Rush 11: Zak finishes up his Rush with no ball, and little to show. EXCEPT. The Reject Jetari Guard has taken a power down in the sin bin.
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Rush 12: Ken brings that Zee Jack up to mid-field and passes to his primo Striker. You know what happens next…
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Ken scores! The 2 pointer moves the score differential to 1 point Zak. Meanwhile, Ken brought out a Blood Sucking Nameless Jack to cock-block Zak’s 3+ Skill Striker.
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Rush 13: Zak deftly scores 3 thanks to his Team Captain supporting three actions per player and that handsome 3+ Skill Striker.
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Rush 14: Ken pulls off the impossible. The bloodsucker comes up to attack a Keeper with his Zee Jack assisting. Cards are rerolled, as well as a Cheerleader. THE LANE IS OPEN!
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Rush 14: Ken makes his first 4 point strike of the game. OVERTIME!!!
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OT / Rush “15”: Zak scores 3. Can Ken stay alive?
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OT/ “Rush 16”: Ken clears his lane for a 4 point opportunity. Then, Zak plays a Cheerleader on the ball pick-up. Ken rolls a one. Game over. Zak 3 points. ONE HELL OF.A GAME. Perhaps the best I’ve seen. Well done Coaches.
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Ken’s finished roster. 1 of 2.
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Ken’s finished roster. 2 of 2.
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Zak’s finished roster. 1 of 1.

While Ken does not advance to the Championship match, he does leave behind the specter of past seasons: The Sacko.  CORT’s worst Coach of the season is awarded a… less than flattering trophy.  Ken has been it’s recipient too often.  Not this time.  This season, his Rejects grew into a scoring juggernaut and laid some opponents into serious injury.

Zak move into the Championship game!  He’s no stranger to the top tier test.  With his seventh season appearance, he’s been to the Championship match six times!  He’s taken home the colossal CORT DreadBalls Championship Trophy Four times!  Will he do it again?  And if so, who does he defeat?

CORT’s second playoff match is tonight, June 29 2018.  Alex’s Neo-Bots vs. Brett Male Corporation.  Will this BreadDoll editor be lucid enough to document the game?!

Comments, questions, and congratulations to the Coaches are welcome below.

Tournament Time / Rush Report: Origenes Cup III

Hear ye!  Hear ye!  Gather round common coaches, and let me share a compelling compilation of numbers.  Thy third Origenes Cup has concluded!

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The 2018 Origins Game Fair in Columbus Ohio saw a futuristic sports tournament in its 2nd edition, and The Ohio War Kings graciously allowed DreadBall coaches to launch balls in their gaming area.  An elite gathering from the stretches of North America competed for seven action-packed hours, and the results were fascinating.  Final rankings were a nail biter, even to the last Rush.

The 2018 DreadBall UK National Championship rules pack was in effect, with ONE modification; Only ONE MVP was allowed in a team build.

In short; Team builds were 1,200 mc.  No Giants, no transfers, no Ronnie Rejects, and no “We Can Rebuild Him.”  Team Captains, support staff, and generic player advancements (one per player at 25 mc) were allowed.

 

Results:

Coach and Team name

Race.  Tournament Points.  Total Fan Cheers.  Total Serious Injuries.  Match specs.

8.  Joshua Tumbry and his South Bend Sewer Rats!

Veer-myn.  0.  12.  0.

Match 1.  vs. Jon Carter.  1 point loss in Rush 10.

Match 2.  vs. Wes Anslinger.  7 point loss in Rush 5.

Match 3.  vs. David Baker.  7 point loss in Rush 6.

Match 4.  vs. Ed Daugh.  4 point loss in Rush 12.

7.  Wes Anslinger and his L.E.D.s (Life Extinction Diagnostics)!

Meta-Bots.  3.  26.  2.

Match 1.  vs. Richard Matney.  3 point loss in Rush 9.

Match 2.  vs. Joshua Tumbry.  7 point win in Rush 5.

Match 3.  vs. Jon Carter.  1 point loss in Rush 14.

Match 4.  vs. David Baker.  7 point loss in Rush 12.

6.  David Baker and his Shaken & Baken!

Trontek 29ers.  6.  20.  1.

Match 1.  vs. Geoff Burbidge.  2 point loss in Rush 10.

Match 2.  vs. Ed Daugh.  1 point loss in Rush 12.

Match 3.  vs. Joshua Tumbry.  7 point win in Rush 6.

Match 4.  vs. Wes Anslinger.  7 point win in Rush 12.

5.  Ed Daugh and his BUG BASH!

Z’zor.  6.  30.  7.

Match 1.  vs. Lee Montgomery.  7 point loss in Rush 11.

Match 2.  vs. David Baker.  1 point win in Rush 12.

Match 3.  vs. Geoff Burbidge.  1 point loss in Rush 14.

Match 4.  vs. Joshua Tumbry.  4 point win in Rush 12.

4.  Jon Carter and his Teras Kasi Omegas (TKO)!

Teratons.  7.  57.  4.

Match 1.  vs.  Joshua Tumbry.  1 point win in Rush 10.

Match 2.  vs. Richard Matney.  TIE in Rush 12.

Match 3.  vs. Wes Anslinger.  1 point win in Rush 14.

Match 4.  vs. Lee Montgomery.  7 point loss in Rush 3.

3.  Richard Matney and his Proto Doom!

Cyborgs.  7.  72.  4.

Match 1.  vs. Wes Anslinger.  3 point win in Rush 9.

Match 2.  vs. Jon Carter.  TIE in Rush 12.

Match 3.  vs. Lee Montgomery.  1 point win in Rush 10.

Match 4.  vs. Geoff Burbidge.  1 point loss in Rush 14.

2.  Geoff Burbidge and his Unnatural Selection!

Mutants.  9.  18.  0.

Match 1.  vs.  David Baker.  2 point win in Rush 10.

Match 2.  vs. Lee Montgomery.  7 point loss in Rush 3.

Match 3.  vs. Ed Daugh.  1 point win in Rush 14.

Match 4.  vs. Richard Matney.  1 point win in Rush 14.

and…

Lee Montgomery and his Sim-ian Swarm!

Zees.  9.  32.  0.

Match 1.  vs. Ed Daugh.  7 point win in Rush 11.

Match 2.  vs. Geoff Burbidge.  7 point win in Rush 3.

Match 3.  vs. Richard Matney.  1 point loss in Rush 10.

Match 4.  vs. Jon Carter.  7 point win in Rush 3.

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WHO WON WHAT?!
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Joshua may have lost, but he WON the BreadDoll!
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This may be the only picture of Ed smiling. He’s a killer, with a shed full of seven corpses. MOST BRUTAL.
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Most distanced traveled (California), Richard not only took third place – his Cyborgs were FAN FAVORITES!
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Geoff’s takes home 2nd as well as BEST PAINTED. His mutants were both ugly and beautiful (or so says judge Michael Carter).
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Tactician and Terror on the pitch. But also the Champion and nicest guy on planet Earth – Lee Montgomery.

The 2018 Origenes Cup could not have been done without the support of many DreadBall fanatics.  Thanks to Michael Carter and the Ohio War Kings, Andy Meechan, Ciaran Morris, and my BreadDoll co-editors.

[Editor’s Note: I’m gratefully passing the Tournament Organizer baton to Mike Mueller for Gen Con 2018.  I need to answer less questions, and get back on the pitch.  I look forward to seeing as many of you as possible in Indianapolis.]

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Know thy opponent, or know defeat…

Tournament Time: Summer, NADC, and You.

Coaches!  Huddle up, and let a schedule unfold before your marred clip boards.

The North American DreadBall Circuit (NADC) has three, THREE!, summer tournaments on schedule.  You should attend one of these galactic contests.  You should attend two!  YOU SHOULD ATTEND THREE!!!

Not only will each NADC tournament be sanctioned by the DreadBall Governing Body (DGB), they’ll also be sponsored by your favorite little DreadBall blog – the BreadDoll!  How does this impact attending coaches?

BreadDoll = All BreadDoll sponsored tournaments are chock full of awesomeness.  Every participant receives a custom set of Home / Visitor cards.  The tournament winner receives a set of BreadDoll D6.  The tournament loser receives an actual BreadDoll!  And returning Coaches that compete with a different team chip away at the coveted BD30.  Coaches that participate in thirty BreadDoll sponsored tournaments with thirty different teams will receive a painted team from the BreadDoll editors!

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Hot. Tasty. It’s the BreadDoll.

NADC = All NADC sanctioned tournaments grant tournament winners an entry into the National Championship.

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North American DreadBall Circuit

DGB = All DGB sanctioned games issue ranking points.  Coaches can build their status over multiple tournaments and claim domination!  Geoff Burbidge is the current raking Leader, and this travesty cannot stand.

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DreadBall Governing Body

All event information is available on DreadBall.com

[ Editor’s Digression: Have you created a coach profile?  Have you created a team?  Please spend a few moments on DreadBall.com, and make your presence known.  Other coaches need fresh meat.]

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Editor’s Z’zor team logo on DreadBall.com –  C.O.C.K.S.U.C.K.E.R.S.

I. Arriving soon – Origenes Cup.  Returning to the Origins Game Fair in Columbus Ohio, DreadBall casts off its peculiar ‘Zero to Hero’ 2017 format for a full fledged 2nd edition throw down.  Friday, June 15th.

 

II. Next on the tournament block, the General Control Cup!  The largest convention in North America, hosts the most Orwellian tournament, for the galaxy’s best coaches.  Get inside the Indianapolis Convention Center on Friday August 3rd.

 

III. Lastly (?), Lansing Michigan attempts a four point Strike with the Nova CTS Cup!  Evolution Games hosts on Sunday August 19th.

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The Nova CTS Cup is particularly interesting this year.  In addition to the previously mentioned goodies, BreadDoll co-editor Geoff Burbidge has designed a BreadDoll pitch for prize support.  Hot stuff!

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DreadBall league play is brilliant.  One-off matches are super fun.  Ultimate is a chaotic hoot, and even Xtreme needs a ray of light to penetrate it’s dark hangar bay.  But tournaments…  Tournaments offer an opportunity to travel, enhance rankings, eat different food, meet new coaches, and spill blood on the neodurium.  Hopefully, opponents’ blood…

Hobby Highlight: The DreadBall Trophies

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The trophies of DreadBall.

The Stanley Cup.  The Claret Jug.  The Yellow Jersey.  The All Valley Karate Championship Trophy…

All sports celebrate their best with a trophy.  DreadBall is no different.  Under Digby’s first edition regime, the penultimate award for winning was a GOLDEN BLAINE.

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Editor’s Note: I won TWO Golden Blaines

Showcasing a trophy in your display cabinet is not optional.  It’s mandatory.  Perhaps a display cabinet is not within reach of every coach.  Alternatives can be made; on top of your icebox, fireplace mantel, or even car hood are perfectly fine locations.  Regardless, it must be visible.

Any yet, trophies have little practical use during DreadBall game play.  Beyond the psychological effect of their presence near an opponent –  they’re too large, too precious, and too heavy.  But there is a solution.  It’s a micro-solution.  It’s the DreadBall Trophy miniatures!

There are six.

[1-3] Previously available only from the first DreadBall Kickstarter, three metal trophies are now included in organized play kits.

[4] Previously available only in the Azure Forest expansion, the planet’s metal trophy is now included in the exceptional Galactic Tour expansion.  Go ahead and buy it.  You’ll want the Medi-Bot and cheerleaders…

[5] Previously available from the first DreadBall Kickstarter and organized play kits, the restic DreadBall Pitch trophy is still available via the Mantic Points system.

[6] Never before available until this BreadDoll post, the restic Golden Blaine!  Pulled from the DreadBall Xtreme game, sponsor Blaine is the same sculpt as the coveted LARGE Golden Blaine.  It’s time to convert him from his role as MVP and sponsor to a miniature trophy.

These six trophies can be used for any sideline role.  A score maker and rush tracker make most sense, but they can even proxy for a cheerleader or coach.  Regardless, they’ll need to rest on a DreadBall base.

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Coaches, prep your bases! Fill 1st edition bases with filler and sand smooth. Wood putty was used in this image.
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Bases were prematurely primed with Army Painter Matt Black. Metal trophies were initially primed with Rustoleum Universal Bonding Primer. Afterwards, minimal flashing was removed with an x-acto blade.
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All trophies were glued to bases with Loctite Go2 Glue, and primed black with Army Painter Matt Black.

With models prepped and raring to go, it’s time to slap paint on them.  With the exception of the Azure Forest trophy, these models are very easy to paint.  For those coaches unfamiliar with the technique of dry brushing, this is a friendly project to begin learning.  In the event of an “accident,” it’s very simple to course correct.

 

Using Army Painter’s Greedy Gold, and a very inexpensive hobby flat hobby brush, load a brush with paint only to remove the majority of it over a dry paper towel.  Even though  all of the paint may appear to be wasted on a piece of disposable towel, pigment still exists on the bristles.  Lightly swipe the brush over the model, and the paint remnants will adhere to the high relief.  It’s a subtle effect over black primer, and that’s fine.  Cover the entire model.  Then, do it again.  The next step is not necessary, but it does offer some additional depth; after the second pass at dry brushing apply a dark wash over the entire model.  Once dry, apply a third pass of gold dry brushing.  Clean up the base with Matt black and varnish with a Matt spray.  Done!

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Do the same with the other models, experimenting with other metallic colors as desired.
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An unnecessary step, but it does add a bit more ‘bling,’ dry brush a layer of Metal Medium over the metallic trophies. Keep in mind; a spray varnish will potentially conceal a portion of this layer.

The Azure model is a bit more challenging.  Using the same dry brushing technique, pass the entire model with a layer of dark gray, followed by light gray, and finish with a white.  A nice achromatic model is ready for some detailing!  Cover the front of the shield with a watered down white.  Once dry, maybe apply another coat of watery paint – but this time use a combination of white, green, and yellow ochre.  Follow up with an application of two or three very watery passes of white over the center of the shield.  While the shield dries, block in the spears with gray, brown, and yellow ochre.  Once that brown is on the palette, water it down and streak it from the edges of the shield towards its center.  Apply some thin green paint to the leaves, and dab some warm colors into the torch.  Almost done!  A tint of green can be dry brushed over the leaves, and the entire shield and spears can receive a wash of brown.  Once dry, apply some war paint streaks of red to the shield’s front.  Clean up the base with Matt black, and spray varnish to complete.

Almost every coach has the same score marker, rush tracker.  And while coaches and cheerleaders offer more variety – these trophies are stand outs.  During league play, they may serve as constant reminders to your regular opponents, “I’m better than you.”  During tournament play, they can be excellent conversation starters.

“How did you win that All Valley trophy?  It’s awesome!”
“My Coach told me to kick my opponent in the face.”

Tournament Time / Rush Report: C-4 2018

The 2018 North American DreadBall Circuit’s C-4 is a wrap!

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DreadBall’s second edition presented an opportunity to retire the former Mid-Atlantic NADC event, and create something new.  And so the Martian sponsored District of Columbia DreadBall Cup is demoted to a “non-ranking tournament” while the Cocoa Castle Corporation Cup (C-4) emerges as the new DreadBall.com “DGB Regional Competition.”

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The NADC’s DC*DC / 2015 – 2017 / Blood was spilled

Those resilient Martians are a prickly bunch, and their return to hosting DreadBall tournaments will undoubtedly be filled with vengeance, mayhem, and slaughter.  There is speculation of a themed contest featuring an epic host finale for the top seed…

Konrad Castle’s Chocolate Empire had a humble debut on Sunday April 15, 2018.  Six Coaches brought the pain with a modified rule set* from the 2018 UK DreadBall Championship.  All participating coaches received a custom set of Home / Visitor cards as well as a Chocolate Castle delicacy.

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Delicacy may be a kind…

*No MVPs were allowed.

Veteran and rookie coaches rolled dice, and team captains made an appearance for three teams!  First introduced at Adepticon’s 2018 League in a Night competition (sponsored by the BreadDoll), the power and versatility of team captains is something to behold.  Their greatest attribute may be a matter of debate, but there’s no doubt: access to extra and unique cards, buffed stats, and assistant coach capabilities offer a lot.  However, those benefits do come at a high cost towards team construction.  Any team captain is going to have a mark on their back.  It’s a good thing tournaments have resurrection between rounds!

EDITOR’S NOTE: I feel access to additional cards are the Captains’ greatest strength.  While a TC’s cost may seem prohibitive, consider that two cards are worth 150mc.  With that calculation in mind, the most expensive TC seems more acceptable, and the least expensive is practically a bargain!  Beg to differ?  Let us know in the comments.

Coach / Team / Team Name / Tournament Points (TP) / Cheers / Serious Injuries / Record

  1. Geoff Burbidge / Tree Sharks / Planet X Mountain Tigers / 12 / 110 / 0 / 4-0
  2. Andrew Wodzianski / Void Sirens / C.U.N.T.S. / 9 / 32 / 1 / 3-1
  3. Brett Postal / Trontek 29ers / Mean Machine / 6 / 37 / 2 / 2-2
  4. Xanth Squires / Pelgar Mytics / ‘Judwan’ / 6 / 29 / 0 / 2-2
  5. Kevin Cornell / Trontek 29ers / Green Corp / 3 / 55 / 2 / 1-3
  6. Don Squires / Nemion Oceanics / ‘Sphyr’ / 0 / 13 / 0 / 0-4
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5th place and most violent – Kevin Cornell.
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Brett Postal in 3rd place, and the most sporting ( C-4 was his first tournament and he NEVER USED PROFANITY).
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Last place, and recipient of the delicious BreadDoll – Don Squires.
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Most Cheers, Best Painted, recipient of a BreadDoll dice set, AND consumer of the Chocolate Blaine Bar – 1st place Geoff Burbidge.
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This BreadDoll editor didn’t get a picture of himself with his 2nd place certificate, so here I am getting knocked around by Brett’s Lucky Logan.

Well played Coaches, and many thanks to DreadBall’s regional FLGS home; Victory Comics in Falls Church Virginia.

The BreadDoll’s next sponsored tournament is another DGB Regional Competition!  The NADC’s classic Origenes Cup will launch balls at 9am on Friday June 15, 2018 at the Origins Gaming Convention.  The BreadDoll hopes to see you there!

 

Tournament Time / Hobby Highlight: C-4 2018 & the BLAINE BAR

Sunday April 15, 2018.  Victory Comics.  Falls Church, Virginia.  United States of America. The North American DreadBall Circuit (NADC) sweeps through the region and offers four rounds of intense, intergalactic, competition.

It’s the Cocoa Castle Corporation Cup, or C-4 for short.  Of course there’s a backstory, and it should be consumed before the Blaine Bar tutorial below.

The story thus far:

In 896AE, Chief Culinary Specialist Konrad Castle was stationed aboard the CCS Dread. His delectable prowess caught the sweet tooth of then Captain Jesus Ortiz, who would often encounter the chef during late night pantry raids. While enjoying chocolate petit fours, Ortiz would solicit Kastle for advice on his new recreational sport in hangar 91. A lifelong friendship blossomed in the Dread galley.

After military service, Castle became principal financier of an upstart corporataion specializing in explosives manufacturing. It was not a sound business decision. It was a bust. With retirement funds squandered, Castle asked long-time friend Ortiz, now Chairman of the DGB, for a helping hand. Ortize graciously replied, donating the funds to retool Castle’s corporate warehouses into a kitchen empire. A dream come true, Castle happily abandoned his efforts at armament sales for his life’s calling; Chocolate.

Reciprocating the generosity of Ortiz, Castle’s new corportation not only serves as the official Chocolatier of Digby, it also hosts a cavity inducing DreadBall tournament:

The Cocoa Castle Corporation Cup (C-4).

Konrad Castle wouldn’t reward the C-4 winner with just an ordinary trophy.  No way!  Instead, the Champion gets CHOCOLATE.  Golden Blaine?  Ha!  The C-4 has a BLAINE BAR.  There is nothing better in the galaxy that an edible totem of the infamous mercenary trapped in a casket of carbonite.  I mean, cocoa.

Here’s how it was done.

With molten chocolate in hand (and a little in mouth), a steady pour and patience to dry resulted in…

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May the best Coach enjoy this morsel of mayhem.  And remember, even the worst Coach doesn’t leave hungry.  Last place gets a BreadDoll.  All coaches go back to the local room with a custom Home / Visitor card.  And there’ll be some certificates and more chocolate delicacies to boot.  Good luck to everyone attending the C-4!  Interested competitors may still attend.  Please visit DreadBall.com.