EVENT HORIZON is a wrap, and all Coaches have returned to their locker rooms. Wounds must be mended.
On January 27, 2019 – an elite gathering of DreadBall Coaches descended upon a planet Earth watering hole titled ‘Franklin Hall.’ Adult beverages were consumed. Adult words were spoken. Below is a Tournament Organizer’s account of the day, followed by some stats. Scroll past images for their hilarious captions.
Shortly after the alarm clock rang, the TO had to bake a fresh BreadDoll.
While the oven was hot, a team and roster had to be determined.
Crunching roster numbers exacerbated the hang over from the previous night’s revelries. A trash bag was close just in case.
Prior to the loaded transport’s departure, it was time to announce my team of the day. An Xtreme team was constructed and aptly renamed, the Pojo Pussies.
The Pojo Pussies were a tight squad. 6 players and 1 MVP.
No team is complete without a logo. No longer can be admired unless it’s uploaded to DreadBall.com
Coaches arrived as soon as Franklin Hall unlocked their doors. Tabs were opened. Rosters, Home/Visitor cards, and Tournament Score Sheets were distributed. Balls were launched before high noon.
Four rounds of mayhem ensued. Mayhem is stressed, because all games were conducted with the Event Deck. Elmer and Dobbs know how to create crazy! Blinding lights, streaking fans, and countless brawls threw the most seasoned Coach into a tailspin. Random photos from various matches are posted below.
One of the most startling events witnessed was through a Matsudan Team Captain card.
Dave was on the ropes against Brett’s Neobots when this Event Card was drawn.
Despite a much needed reset, Dave couldn’t monopolize on the opportunity.
And at the end of the day, there was one Hero. North American DreadBall Circuit tournaments are equitable with sharing superlatives. Because Event Horizon was non-sanctioned, the lion’s share went to Kevin Cornell’s Marauder team – THE NUT PUNCHERS!
And… There was one zero. The BreadDoll‘s very own Miniature Master and Hobby Highlighter got the titular prize for last place.
By the numbers
Coach Name / Team Name (team type) / Tournament Points / Fan Check “Cheers” / Serous Injuries = record
Attention sports fans! It’s time for a tournament! On Sunday, January 27 2019 – a few Coaches will meet one other, throw strikes, and distract refs. During their matches, a few events may occur. It’s EVENT HORIZON!
EVENT HORIZON is a unique tournament offering. Not officially endorsed by the North American DreadBall Circuit (NADC), EVENT HORIZON is taking advantage of the distinction in order to expand the traditional tournament settings.
For Coaches unfamiliar with NADC rules, EVENT HORIZON is allowing:
The Red Planet & Renton Rejects
The Event Deck
How will Coaches spend their 1200mc team building allotment? An upgraded Team Captain? A transferred Matsudan Guard? Alpha Simian?
Regardless of team composition, all participating Coaches are showered with swag. The BreadDoll wouldn’t sponsor a tournament without goodies for all.
Superfluous, but super handy – the Home & Visitor cards return for 2019!
EVENT HORIZON also welcomes an additional deck to the fray; the Event deck! Consequently, us bread bakers thought it would be funny to add a new card to the mix:
Coaches can use their three cards during DreadBall play, or for any number of alternative uses; house-of-card building, carving cocaine, low-end lock picking, etc.
The top three Coaches receive certificates of accomplishment, while the last place Coach is bestowed the tasty BreadDoll itself.
Along the way, there is a set of BreadDoll dice to award AND Mantic Games has generously donated a copy of the DreadBall Event Deck. Elmer and Dobbs ROCK!
Come one, come all! If any Coach can travel to the Washington D.C. area at the end of January, they should witness EVENT HORIZON. If any Coach wants to organize a tournament, but doesn’t know where to start – ask in the comments below. Meanwhile, review the attached PDF tournament pack and score sheet. Lastly, visit DreadBall.com and register.
Oh, those two… What sort of hilarity will they express next?
For the BreadDoll’s December membership drive, we’ll be giving away another custom miniature*. Subscribe to this blog during the next week, and a random Coach will be drawn for a Secret Santa surprise!
*We’re not saying exactly what you’ll receive, but it’s bound to be finger-licking’-good!
Good Coaches are compulsive Coaches. Compulsive Coaches know how to organize, and the best of the compulsive crew know how to implement their organization into winning strategies. Herein lies a relatively easy strategy to strengthen any DreadBall Coach’s neat and tidy toolbox.
Coaches with the best record are Coaches who know the rules, wherein “know” means; live, breath, eat, sleep, and defecate the rules. Knowing the rules is easier if the rules are accessible.
Knowing a rulebook becomes a challenge when there are multiple sources. Such was the case with the rapid expansion of 1st edition DreadBall material.
Multiple volumes of 1st edition rules could be remedied with the assistance of a photocopier and a binder.
One of the best aspects of Kickstarting DreadBall’s second edition was the Collector’s Edition Rulebook. Finally, there would be ONE BOOK TO RULE THEM ALL.
And yet. There was a problem. The binding. A dense paperback tome that required strenuous use was not going to last the tests and tribulations of multiple seasons. A remedy was needed…
The remedy was a SPRIAL.
A rulebook is not a sacred and delicate text to be reviewed with white gloves on rare occasions. No. A rulebook is an engine. An engine needs to be used and maintained. A spiral binding allows ease of use, and its laminate front & back cover keeps blood and beer from deep penetration.
It is not without faults.
Cropping issues aside, binding a DreadBall rulebook is awesome and well worth the minimal investment. Embrace the compulsion. Tune your engine. Know your engine.
Also, the BreadDoll held a contest a few months ago as part of a membership drive. One lucky Coach was randomly awarded an alternative Coaching Assistant. It turns out the recipient was a robot fishing for hits. It is not known if the robot was a Metabot, a Mechanite, or a Neobot. No idea. So another name was randomly selected. Congratulations jtumbry! You are the real flesh-and-blood winner of not one, but TWO alternative Coaching Assistants. Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Fitz, and a Squirrel.
Confronting the brute strength of Buzzcut is scary. A Hobgoblin Hulk is a fright to all. But for the holiday of haunt, what if there was an entire team of terror?
Happy Halloween Coaches! Before you lies a morgue of marvels (pun intended). The BreadDoll presents a Mantic-Marvel crossover; THE LEGION OF MONSTERS!
Originally conceived as a ghastly gang of coaching assistants, this editor-in-chief collected a batch of Heroclix miniatures for easy conversion. A few witching hours later, and their true intent was clear. The monsters needed to play!
Custom teams are silly. It’s the flaccid writing of fandom and fanatics. And yet, here’s a DreadBall team of Silver Age monsters. Why? WHY?! A horror hound at heart, this BreadDoller just wanted some menacing coaches on the sidelines. After the little terrors were beautified*, and ready for a roster – I couldn’t stop wondering. What if Dracula was a DreadBall player? Werewolf by Night? The thought experiment reached an inevitable and creepy conclusion. The character stats are wonky, buy thematic. They’re over-powered, but not without vulnerabilities. Fun? Absolutely.
Beautiful creatures? It can be done. Heroclix are numerous, and with limitations set; inexpensive. Cut ’em off their base, mount ’em to your painting support, and spray ’em with a Matt varnish. The varnish will serve as a transparent “primer” for your custom brush work. They need the attention, because their pre-paint jobs are truly terrifying. Nevertheless, don’t strip ’em. Just use the pre-paint horror show as an undercoat.
A new DreadBall season has launched! A new CORT DreadBall season. Long time BreadDoll readers will know this editor-in-chief throws the most Strikes in league play. League Play is the best play. The Citizens Of Rage Town have been fortunate to compete and curse one another over seven seasons. Rivalries have formed. Collusion has been plotted. Membership has expanded and traditions have been established. Tradition is important. Without ritual, import can lessen, brotherhood can diminish, and hazing cannot be exacted.
Some CORT league traditions were plotted. Like trophies. Other traditions were impromptu. This BreadDoll post chronicles a lesser known tradition for CORT; the announcement of team selection for an upcoming season.
Since CORT’s second season, Coaches take turns announcing their team selection over a private group in a popular social media site. The tradition is rather simple. From the previous season’s last place Coach (Sacko winner) to the Champ (DreadBalls Trophy Champion), announcements must be made within a seventy-two hour window. Selection is strategic, and the meta-game must be considered. Too “bashy?” Movement too low? What’s the Skill on those Strikers?! Coaches pick wisely, and find the perfect method of deliver announcement. Sarcasm, snark, and sniping are in order.
DreadBall is a splendid game. Not without warts, but a deep dive does not go without reward. One-offs are fun, and tournaments are an occasional hoot. But if any BreadDoll reader can wrangle a few like-minded mates together? There are few things more enjoyable than a 90 minute game of miniature Space Jam, coupled with pints and close friends. League play! Do it!
Of the thirty published teams for DreadBall, one of my most enjoyable hobby experiences was painting the Cyborgs. Enjoyable, but also bat guano crazy. I chose a time consuming, and messy painting strategy in order to make the Revenants ready for prime-time. Herein lies the tale of technique that is not recommended for the squeamish or impatient.
Visually, DreadBall Cyborgs are a lot of meat bags with mechanical parts. Ratios of meat to mechanics may differ depending on the sculpt. They are cobbled together and their finish is not… refined. With no worries toward polish, I knew I wanted these bots to look battle worn. I wanted layered history, and I knew that required…
Follow along in a picture gallery of sameness, subtlety, and toothbrush subversion!
If any BreadDoll readers have questions about the techniques deployed or my mental health, please comment below. I also welcome any suggestions for a team name. I’m fielding the Cyborgs onto the pitch next week for my league’s EIGHTH season of DreadBall.
Though I’ve yet to commit to a team name, I lean towards CSI (Cyborg Sex Initiative). My Players have been identified.
Translation: Assemble human scum, and read the data generated from another successful ‘District of Columbia DreadBall Cup.’
The Martians hosted another NADC event, the DC*DC. An elite group of fearless Coaches accepted the Martian invite to play DreadBall in a daunting environment; WashingCon IV. It was the fourth DC*DC. It was the fourth WashingCon. Coincidence?
WashingCon is a convention like no other. Small, but sweet. Crowded, but cool. High priced, but high valued. WashingCon is a convention that focuses on playing board games. In particular, an abundance of family board games. You cannot swing a dead Yndij by the tail without hitting a child at WashingCon.
DreadBall was an outlier. It was the only miniature game presentat the convention, disguised as a board game! The Martians are tricky, mischievous organizers. In a bout of counter programming, gamers far and wide came to witness the spectacle of DreadBall demonstrations and a tournament. Flyers were distributed, and mints were consumed. Three veteran Coaches entered the contest, and three brand new Coaches learned to play on Saturday in order to compete on Sunday. Now that’s moxie.
Not surprisingly, the rookie Coaches got messed up against seasoned competitors. But the winners were generous, the losers were eager to play in the next tournament, and the folk in middle had playbook criticism. So it goes. The Supreme Leader marked these rules and results:
The 2018 NADC rules pack was in effect. In short; Team builds were 1,200 mc. No Giants, no transfers, no Ronnie Rejects, and no “We Can Rebuild Him.” Team Captains, support staff, and generic player advancements (one per player at 25 mc) were allowed.
Coach and Team name
Race. Tournament Points. Total Fan Cheers. Total Serious Injuries. Match specs.
6. Juan Casanas and his Bash Bros.!
Brokkr. 0. 48. 4
Match 1. vs. Andrew. 3 point loss in Rush 10.
Match 2. vs. Wes. 7 point loss in Rush 5.
Match 3. vs. Dave. 2 point loss in Rush 6.
Match 4. vs. Brett. 3 point loss in Rush 12.
5. Dave Erickson and his Hunky Human Hot Hogs!
Human Corporation, Male. 3. 28. 0.
Match 1. vs. Brett. 3 point loss in Rush 10.
Match 2. vs. Geoff. 7 point loss in Rush 3.
Match 3. vs. Juan. 2 point win in Rush 6.
Match 4. vs. Wes. 1 point loss in Rush 6.
4. Wes Hayden and his Convicts of the Criminally Corrupt!
Convicts. 6. 23. 0.
Match 1. vs. Geoff. 7 point loss in Rush 5.
Match 2. vs. Juan. 7 point win in Rush 5.
Match 3. vs. Andrew. 7 point loss in Rush 5.
Match 4. vs. Dave. 1 point win in Rush 6.
3. Andrew Wodzianski and his C.O.C.K.S.U.C.K.E.R.S.!
Z’zor. 6. 39. 2.
Match 1. vs Juan. 3 point win in Rush 10.
Match 2. vs. Brett. 7 point loss in Rush 13.
Match 3. vs Wes. 7 point win in Rush 5.
Match 4. vs Geoff. 2 point loss in Rush 12.
2. Brett Postal and his Vampy Voluptuous Voids!
Human Corporation, Female. 9. 21. 0
Match 1. vs Dave. 3 point win in Rush 10.
Match 2. vs Andrew. 7 point win in Rush 13.
Match 3. vs. Geoff. 7 point loss in Rush 7.
Match 4. vs. Juan. 3 point win in Rush 12.
And the champion Geoff Burbidge with his Sphyria’s Fist!
Sphyr. 12. 27. 0.
Match 1. vs. Wes. 7 point win in Rush 10.
Match 2. vs. Dave. 7 point win in Rush 3.
Match 3. vs. Brett. 7 point win in Rush 7.
Match 4. vs Andrew. 2 point win in Rush 12.
And so, the North American DreadBall Circuit comes to a close for 2018. Or does it? If another golden ticket to the National Championship at Adepticon 2019 is on the calendar, let us know in the comments below. Otherwise, keep the brushes swinging. Keep the Slams brutal. Keep the Strikes blistering. May all of your sixes explode, especially when you’re playing against this Geoff character…
The seventh season of DreadBall CORT has officially wrapped. While a celebratory, post-season Ultimate match will see the top ranked six Coaches compete in September, the worst and the the first have been crowned.
Among CORT’s many traditions, each season is named. Previous years have included;
S3 The Search for Spock
S5 Slaughterhouse Five
and S6 Christ Punchers
Most seasons are titled after pop culture references. Season seven’s title, “Fresh Meat,” was literal. For the first time since it’s inception, CORT welcomed two new coaches into the fold. Their season debuts could not have been more different and their final matches are detailed below.
THE CORT DB S7 SACKO
VETERAN Steve’s Diaspora (Yndij) vs FRESH MEAT Gavrie’s Bruce (Sphyr)
The Sacko is played to determine the Coach with the worst season record. In a surprisingly tight field, the bottom game squared veteran Steve against fresh meat Gavrie.
THE CORT DB S7 Championship
FRESH MEAT Brett’s Mean Machine (Male Corporation) vs VETERAN Zak’s Russia’s Red Twitter Bot Army (Brokkr)
Several CORT Coaches will have an opportunity to seek revenge and hurl final insults during the post-season Ultimate match. BreadDoll readers can anticipate another Rush Report from that game. Meanwhile, Gavrie begins considering his team draft for Season 8. That season will see its first ball launch in October. Do readers have suggestions for CORT’s season 8 name? Let us know in the comments below.