Scattered Scullery: We love you

BD Valentines Day 2019
Does any Coach need a chocolatey score marker?

Konrad Castle continues cooking chocolate.  And he’s pleased to report the C-4 will return in 2019!  Curious Coaches may need a reminder;

C-4 = Cocoa Castle Corporation Cup

If any competitive Coach needs a cause to attend a North American DreadBall Circuit (NADC) contest, the C-4 is the cream of the crop.

…because the trophies are chocolate.  Dates to be announced.  TEASE!

Meanwhile, Happy Valentines Day.

 

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The C-4 champion receives the coveted prize: THE CHOCOLATIZED BLAINE.
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Tournament Time / Rush Repot: EVENT HORIZON

EVENT HORIZON is a wrap, and all Coaches have returned to their locker rooms.  Wounds must be mended.

On January 27, 2019 – an elite gathering of DreadBall Coaches descended upon a planet Earth watering hole titled ‘Franklin Hall.’  Adult beverages were consumed.  Adult words were spoken.  Below is a Tournament Organizer’s account of the day, followed by some stats.  Scroll past images for their hilarious captions.

Prior to the loaded transport’s departure, it was time to announce my team of the day.  An Xtreme team was constructed and aptly renamed, the Pojo Pussies.

Coaches arrived as soon as Franklin Hall unlocked their doors.  Tabs were opened.  Rosters, Home/Visitor cards, and Tournament Score Sheets were distributed.  Balls were launched  before high noon.

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Coach Dave is credited with this early-in-the-day photo. Coach Juan was unable to join the group before the 1st game, resulting in an odd number and a Bye for the lowest ranked team.

Four rounds of mayhem ensued.  Mayhem is stressed, because all games were conducted  with the Event Deck.  Elmer and Dobbs know how to create crazy!  Blinding lights, streaking fans, and countless brawls threw the most seasoned Coach into a tailspin.  Random photos from various matches are posted below.

One of the most startling events witnessed was through a Matsudan Team Captain card.

And at the end of the day, there was one Hero.  North American DreadBall Circuit tournaments are equitable with sharing superlatives.  Because Event Horizon was non-sanctioned, the lion’s share went to Kevin Cornell’s Marauder team – THE NUT PUNCHERS!

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Kevin was on his best behavior at Franklin Hall. In a venue that is tolerant of vulgarity, Kevin chose to not scream profanity. I still suspect a clone…

And…  There was one zero.  The BreadDoll‘s very own Miniature Master and Hobby Highlighter got the titular prize for last place.

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Geoff wins the BreadDoll, and passive aggressively claimed, “It needs frosting.”

By the numbers

Coach Name / Team Name (team type) / Tournament Points / Fan Check “Cheers” / Serous Injuries = record

  1. Kevin / Nut Punchers (Marauders) / 9 / 149 / 3 = 3-1
  2. Elizabeth / Salad Fingers (Judwan) / 9 / 28 / 0 = 3-1
  3. Andrew / Pojo Pussies (Xtreme) / 9 / 25 / 2 = 2-1-bye
  4. Wesley / The Spoons (Ada Lorana) / 7 / 30 / 0 = 2-1-tie
  5. Brett / Matrices (Neobots) / 6 / 40 / 1 = 2-1-bye
  6. Dave / MURDER (Matsudan) / 4 / 22 / 0 = 0-1-tie-bye
  7. Geoff / Thunder (Void Sirens) / 3 / 55 / 0 = 1-2-bye
  8. Juan just drank beer, and ridiculed Coaches through rounds 3 & 4.

EVENT HORIZON, Franklin Hall, and a BreadDoll.  Good times!  If planet Earth is still intact, it’ll happen again in 1/2020.  Meanwhile, look for some BreadDoll editors at Adepticon.

SHAMELESS PLUG – Mantic Games is currently promoting a great DreadBall sale.  Visit http://www.manticgames.com/mantic-shop/dreadball-sale.html

 

Tournament Time: Event Horizon

Attention sports fans!  It’s time for a tournament!  On Sunday, January 27 2019 – a few Coaches will meet one other, throw strikes, and distract refs.  During their matches, a few events may occur.  It’s EVENT HORIZON!

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EVENT HORIZON is a unique tournament offering.  Not officially endorsed by the North American DreadBall Circuit (NADC), EVENT HORIZON is taking advantage of the distinction in order to expand the traditional tournament settings.

event horizon 2019 tournament rules

dreadball tournament scoresheet

For Coaches unfamiliar with NADC rules, EVENT HORIZON is allowing:

  • The Red Planet & Renton Rejects
  • Team Captains
  • Transfers
  • Giants

and…

  • The Event Deck

How will Coaches spend their 1200mc team building allotment?  An upgraded Team Captain?  A transferred Matsudan Guard?  Alpha Simian?

Regardless of team composition, all participating Coaches are showered with swag.  The BreadDoll wouldn’t sponsor a tournament without goodies for all.

Superfluous, but super handy – the Home & Visitor cards return for 2019!

 

EVENT HORIZON also welcomes an additional deck to the fray; the Event deck!  Consequently, us bread bakers thought it would be funny to add a new card to the mix:

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Coaches can use their three cards during DreadBall play, or for any number of alternative uses; house-of-card building, carving cocaine, low-end lock picking, etc.

The top three Coaches receive certificates of accomplishment, while the last place Coach is bestowed the tasty BreadDoll itself.

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Along the way, there is a set of BreadDoll dice to award AND Mantic Games has generously donated a copy of the DreadBall Event Deck.  Elmer and Dobbs ROCK!

 

Come one, come all!  If any Coach can travel to the Washington D.C. area at the end of January, they should witness EVENT HORIZON.  If any Coach wants to organize a tournament, but doesn’t know where to start – ask in the comments below.  Meanwhile, review the attached PDF tournament pack and score sheet.  Lastly, visit DreadBall.com and register.

Scattered Scullery: Dobbs and Elmer 01

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Oh, those two… What sort of hilarity will they express next?

For the BreadDoll’s December membership drive, we’ll be giving away another custom miniature*.  Subscribe to this blog during the next week, and a random Coach will be drawn for a Secret Santa surprise!

*We’re not saying exactly what you’ll receive, but it’s bound to be finger-licking’-good!

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Tremendous Tools: One Book to Rule Them All

Good Coaches are compulsive Coaches.  Compulsive Coaches know how to organize, and the best of the compulsive crew know how to implement their organization into winning strategies.  Herein lies a relatively easy strategy to strengthen any DreadBall Coach’s neat and tidy toolbox.

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With apologies to those Coaches of Faith among us…

Coaches with the best record are Coaches who know the rules, wherein “know” means; live, breath, eat, sleep, and defecate the rules.  Knowing the rules is easier if the rules are accessible.

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In the beginning, there was ONE rulebook. Lean, mean, and efficient. The binding was not user-friendly, but it’s brevity was the counterbalance.

Knowing a rulebook becomes a challenge when there are multiple sources.  Such was the case with the rapid expansion of 1st edition DreadBall material.

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Six (SIX!) rulebooks to rule them all.

Multiple volumes of 1st edition rules could be remedied with the assistance of a photocopier and a binder.

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Bind them. BIND THEM!
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A dense, but comprehensive rules summary tucked into the binder’s cover. Courtesy of the elusive BGG user RangerBob. Jesus Ortiz shines his ball on you good sir.
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Six seasons means six tabs. Plus, the Challenge Cup. Plus, the NADC. There should be a ninth tab to represent the FAQs, but nine tabs are known to open the gates of hell.

One of the best aspects of Kickstarting DreadBall’s second edition was the Collector’s Edition Rulebook.  Finally, there would be ONE BOOK TO RULE THEM ALL.

And yet.  There was a problem.  The binding.  A dense paperback tome that required strenuous use was not going to last the tests and tribulations of multiple seasons.  A remedy was needed…

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The solution! Michael Carter of Ohio War Kings was the inspiration. Mike’s Kings of War books were handsomely bound with a spiral. “Mike! How did you do it?”

The remedy was a SPRIAL.

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Mike replied, “Office Depot.” And so it was. A visit to Office Depot, a twenty minute wait, and a five dollar charge.

A rulebook is not a sacred and delicate text to be reviewed with white gloves on rare occasions.  No.  A rulebook is an engine.  An engine needs to be used and maintained.  A spiral binding allows ease of use, and its laminate front & back cover keeps blood and beer from deep penetration.

It is not without faults.

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The print shop technicians at Office Depot are not miracle workers. Some information will inevitably be sacrificed to the margin Gods. Layout designers take note; fancy graphics may look slick on a monitor but they don’t mean jack-squat if  legibility is compromised in print form.
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The biggest casualty in the binding was the rules summary. However, it was an odd choice to print the rules summary on the inside of the back cover anyway.

Cropping issues aside, binding a DreadBall rulebook is awesome and well worth the minimal investment.  Embrace the compulsion.  Tune your engine.  Know your engine.

###

Also, the BreadDoll held a contest a few months ago as part of a membership drive.  One lucky Coach was randomly awarded an alternative Coaching Assistant.  It turns out the recipient was a robot fishing for hits.  It is not known if the robot was a Metabot, a Mechanite, or a Neobot.  No idea.  So another name was randomly selected.  Congratulations jtumbry!  You are the real flesh-and-blood winner of not one, but TWO alternative Coaching Assistants.  Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Fitz, and a Squirrel.

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Fitz and Squirrel are going to a new home (pitch). Do YOU want to win custom swag? Follow/Subscribe to this blog!

Scattered Scullery: Happy Halloween!

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Confronting the brute strength of Buzzcut is scary.  A Hobgoblin Hulk is a fright to all.  But for the holiday of haunt, what if there was an entire team of terror?

Happy Halloween Coaches!  Before you lies a morgue of marvels (pun intended).  The BreadDoll presents a Mantic-Marvel crossover; THE LEGION OF MONSTERS!

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Originally conceived as a ghastly gang of coaching assistants, this editor-in-chief collected a batch of Heroclix miniatures for easy conversion.  A few witching hours later, and their true intent was clear.  The monsters needed to play!

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Custom teams are silly.  It’s the flaccid writing of fandom and fanatics.  And yet, here’s a DreadBall team of Silver Age monsters.  Why?  WHY?!  A horror hound at heart, this BreadDoller just wanted some menacing coaches on the sidelines.  After the little terrors were beautified*, and ready for a roster – I couldn’t stop wondering.  What if Dracula was a DreadBall player?  Werewolf by Night?  The thought experiment reached an inevitable and creepy conclusion.  The character stats are wonky, buy thematic.  They’re over-powered, but not without vulnerabilities.  Fun?  Absolutely.

*

Beautiful creatures?  It can be done.  Heroclix are numerous, and with limitations set; inexpensive.  Cut ’em off their base, mount ’em to your painting support, and spray ’em with a Matt varnish.  The varnish will serve as a transparent “primer” for your custom brush work.  They need the attention, because their pre-paint jobs are truly terrifying.  Nevertheless, don’t strip ’em.  Just use the pre-paint horror show as an undercoat.

League Logistics: Season Starter & Preferred Play

A new DreadBall season has launched!  A new CORT DreadBall season.  Long time BreadDoll readers will know this editor-in-chief throws the most Strikes in league play.  League Play is the best play.  The Citizens Of Rage Town have been fortunate to compete and curse one another over seven seasons.  Rivalries have formed.  Collusion has been plotted.  Membership has expanded and traditions have been established.  Tradition is important.  Without ritual, import can lessen, brotherhood can diminish, and hazing cannot be exacted.

Some CORT league traditions were plotted.  Like trophies.  Other traditions were impromptu.  This BreadDoll post chronicles a lesser known tradition for CORT; the announcement of team selection for an upcoming season.

Since CORT’s second season, Coaches take turns announcing their team selection over a private group in a popular social media site.  The tradition is rather simple.  From the previous season’s last place Coach (Sacko winner) to the Champ (DreadBalls Trophy Champion), announcements must be made within a seventy-two hour window.  Selection is strategic, and the meta-game must be considered.  Too “bashy?”  Movement too low?  What’s the Skill on those Strikers?!  Coaches pick wisely, and find the perfect method of deliver announcement.  Sarcasm, snark, and sniping are in order.

CORT DB S8 FB BANNER
A new season requires a new banner. CORT season 8 is… “THE OCHO.”
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Coach Dave bucks the trend. Dave is our newest CORT inductee. New Coaches get their pick of the litter. Dave originally posted a picture of his beautifully painted MATSUDAN team. The rest of CORT was appreciative, but we ‘asked’ him to follow-up with an announcement that was a bit more… CORT.  He delivered.  Welcome to CORT old chap.
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CORT Season 7 Sacko winner Gavrie announced his selection with a locust swarm. He’s buffing his Z’ZOR exoskeletons.
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Coach Steve is an amazing fine arts photographer. His forte? Framing shots of miniature robots/automatons destroying humanoid dioramas. This pic not only captures one of Steve’s creations, it also captures his team selection. MECHANITES.
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I had a tough season 7 with the Z’zor. Hubris got the best of me, and my two glorious Bug Guards got sent to the locker room before the playoffs. This time around? I wanted a team with a theme I could get behind. I’m a horror hound, and I love blood and bots and bits. My selection deliberately took 71.5 hours, and I chose the CYBORGS.
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Coach Jamie fielded the brutal and brutally slow Matsudan in season 7. In season 6, his weapon of choice were the Tsudochan. Fed up with slow movement and too many Jacks, season 8 is built for speed. He posted a video of the ‘Renegades of Funk.’ Catchy, because his YNDIJ team name is ‘Renegades of Drunk.’
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Coach Alex was subtle? He posted this pic, and left many of us guessing. I thought, “CONVICTS!” Another coach thought “REJECTS!” Nope. Alex schooled us all with a US of A college football reference; Ol Miss. REBELS.
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DreadBalls Trophy Champion x 4, and nemesis to all, Coach Zak posted a video. The BreadDoll can’t afford to post videos, so here’s another still. Quint makes a declaration after an evening of drinking. It ain’t good. SPHYR.
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And last year’s DreadBalls Champion, Coach Brett, drops this little gem. A bit of a deep dive unless you graduated from Hogwarts or Trump University. NAMELESS.
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Scheduling eight professional adults is tricky business. Season 8’s Kickoff was no exception, and we could only muster 6. And so dice were rolled. Coach Zak and Dave had to square off on their own (Dave won).
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A new tradition is made! At least for this season. For every game with the Renegades of Drunk, a celebratory shot MUST be consumed!
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‘Reach’ is total BS.
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These robots are buckets-of-broke against space cats/squirrels.
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This match looks like a Greek lunch platter.
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Seafood and guests and DreadBall. 3 day limit.
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And so, CORT’s DB S8 wraps a evening of play sans two Coaches. Their numbers still need to be recorded, but here begins the new record! May the best Coach win.

DreadBall is a splendid game.  Not without warts, but a deep dive does not go without reward.  One-offs are fun, and tournaments are an occasional hoot.  But if any BreadDoll reader can wrangle a few like-minded mates together?  There are few things more enjoyable than a 90 minute game of miniature Space Jam, coupled with pints and close friends.  League play!  Do it!

Hobby Highlight: The Subtle Insanity of Cyborg Noise

Of the thirty published teams for DreadBall, one of my most enjoyable hobby experiences was painting the Cyborgs.  Enjoyable, but also bat guano crazy.  I chose a time consuming, and messy painting strategy in order to make the Revenants ready for prime-time.  Herein lies the tale of technique that is not recommended for the squeamish or impatient.

Visually, DreadBall Cyborgs are a lot of meat bags with mechanical parts.  Ratios of meat to mechanics may differ depending on the sculpt.  They are cobbled together and their finish is not… refined.  With no worries toward polish, I knew I wanted these bots to look battle worn.  I wanted layered history, and I knew that required…

NOISE.

Follow along in a picture gallery of sameness, subtlety, and toothbrush subversion!

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Skipping a few initial steps, but please follow along. Miniatures get washed. Miniatures get mold lines removed. Miniatures get primed Uniform Gray (The Army Painter).
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For the next million steps, inexpensive craft paint is the solution. Water down a variety of hues and grab an old toothbrush. Alternatively, grab your wife’s toothbrush.
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Dip the old toothbrush into the watered down paint, and “flick” the solution onto the miniatures while aiming for a fine spray/mist result.
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Same as before, but instead of a muted red – it’s a muted blue!
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Third application? A muted green.
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It’s a dirty job, but somebody has got to do it.
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After three applications of “paint mist,” this Cyborg Orx is looking… Pretty stupid. Forward!
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Steps 4, 5, and 6 are drybrushing! Again, inexpensive craft paint is used as is an inexpensive craft brush. There is no need to damage pricey and professional brushes when dealing with this kind of technique.
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After three gentle and loose drybrush applications, this Cyborg Orx is looking… Less stupid.
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More mist! Steps 7, 8, 9, and 10? Yes yes yes and yes. Mist away!
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The Cyborg Orx is getting there. But why stop after 10 steps? WHY NOT MORE?!
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Steps 11, 12, and 13 = more mist spray. 13 is a lucky number, right?
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I think 13 IS a lucky number. Misting is declared FINISHED. I put my wife’s toothbrush back into the medicine cabinet.
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Nicer paint with a mid-grade brush: MORE DRYBRUSHING!
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After 15 steps of misting and drybrushing, I feel these Cyborgs have enough layering. They have enough NOISE.
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Blocking in the bits. In hindsight, I regret not “blacking out” certain appendages before all of the NOISE. No matter now, the end is in sight! March forward and disregard uniformity. Variety is the spice of Cyborg finishes.
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A few colored washes (The Army Painter), a few light valued highlights, and a few lines of powdered… caffeine. These Cyborg Orx are done!
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Magentized bases using the CORT stoplight pattern and these piles of puke are ready for the pitch. There are a lot of vibrant colors with DreadBall uniforms. I’m pleased to see these Players are a bit less saturated. It’s a nice contrast.  EDITOR’S NOTE: This particular team looks like a hot mess.  I’ll reshoot and repost.

If any BreadDoll readers have questions about the techniques deployed or my mental health, please comment below.  I also welcome any suggestions for a team name.  I’m fielding the Cyborgs onto the pitch next week for my league’s EIGHTH season of DreadBall.

Though I’ve yet to commit to a team name, I lean towards CSI (Cyborg Sex Initiative).  My Players have been identified.

Orx Guard 1 Julius

Orx Guard 2 TJ

Nameless Guard Otto

Human Jack (M) 1 Anakin

Human Jack (M) 2 Alex

Human Jack (F) 7o9

Judwan Striker Sal

Kalyshi Striker No.6

Tournament Time / Rush Report: DC*DC IV

ACK ACK ACK!

Translation: Assemble human scum, and read the data generated from another successful ‘District of Columbia DreadBall Cup.’

The Martians hosted another NADC event, the DC*DC.  An elite group of fearless Coaches accepted the Martian invite to play DreadBall in a daunting environment; WashingCon IV.  It was the fourth DC*DC.  It was the fourth WashingCon.  Coincidence?

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Competing Coaches were issued a custom score marker. Presidential busts of Earth Leaders after colorful adornment from the Cyber Optics Red Team Division. Martians are funny.

WashingCon is a convention like no other.  Small, but sweet.  Crowded, but cool.  High priced, but high valued.  WashingCon is a convention that focuses on playing board games.  In particular, an abundance of family board games.  You cannot swing a dead Yndij by the tail without hitting a child at WashingCon.

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There were 1,500 gamers at WashingCon IV. 1,494 of them were playing with either meeples, cubes, or discs.

DreadBall was an outlier.  It was the only miniature game present at the convention, disguised as a board game!  The Martians are tricky, mischievous organizers.  In a bout of counter programming, gamers far and wide came to witness the spectacle of DreadBall demonstrations and a tournament.  Flyers were distributed, and mints were consumed.  Three veteran Coaches entered the contest, and three brand new Coaches learned to play on Saturday in order to compete on Sunday.  Now that’s moxie.

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The calm before the storm at WashingCon IV.

Not surprisingly, the rookie Coaches got messed up against seasoned competitors.  But the winners were generous, the losers were eager to play in the next tournament, and the folk in middle had playbook criticism.  So it goes.  The Supreme Leader marked these rules and results:

The 2018 NADC rules pack was in effect.  In short; Team builds were 1,200 mc.  No Giants, no transfers, no Ronnie Rejects, and no “We Can Rebuild Him.”  Team Captains, support staff, and generic player advancements (one per player at 25 mc) were allowed.

Coach and Team name

Race.  Tournament Points.  Total Fan Cheers.  Total Serious Injuries.  Match specs.

6.  Juan Casanas and his Bash Bros.!

Brokkr.  0.  48.  4

Match 1. vs. Andrew.  3 point loss in Rush 10.

Match 2. vs. Wes.  7 point loss in Rush 5.

Match 3. vs. Dave.  2 point loss in Rush 6.

Match 4. vs. Brett.  3 point loss in Rush 12.

5.  Dave Erickson and his Hunky Human Hot Hogs!

Human Corporation, Male.  3.  28.  0.

Match 1. vs. Brett.   3 point loss in Rush 10.

Match 2. vs. Geoff.  7 point loss in Rush 3.

Match 3. vs. Juan.  2 point win in Rush 6.

Match 4. vs. Wes.  1 point loss in Rush 6.

4.  Wes Hayden and his Convicts of the Criminally Corrupt!

Convicts.  6.  23.  0.

Match 1. vs. Geoff.  7 point loss in Rush 5.

Match 2. vs. Juan.  7 point win in Rush 5.

Match 3. vs. Andrew.  7 point loss in Rush 5.

Match 4. vs. Dave.  1 point win in Rush 6.

3.  Andrew Wodzianski and his C.O.C.K.S.U.C.K.E.R.S.!

Z’zor.  6.  39.  2.

Match 1. vs Juan.  3 point win in Rush 10.

Match 2. vs. Brett.  7 point loss in Rush 13.

Match 3. vs Wes.  7 point win in Rush 5.

Match 4. vs Geoff.  2 point loss in Rush 12.

2.  Brett Postal and his Vampy Voluptuous Voids!

Human Corporation, Female.  9.  21.  0

Match 1. vs Dave.  3 point win in Rush 10.

Match 2. vs Andrew.  7 point win in Rush 13.

Match 3. vs. Geoff.  7 point loss in Rush 7.

Match 4. vs. Juan.  3 point win in Rush 12.

And the champion Geoff Burbidge with his Sphyria’s Fist!

Sphyr.  12.  27.  0.

Match 1. vs. Wes.  7 point win in Rush 10.

Match 2. vs. Dave.  7 point win in Rush 3.

Match 3. vs. Brett.  7 point win in Rush 7.

Match 4. vs Andrew.  2 point win in Rush 12.

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He may have lost, but Juan grabbed some loot! MOST BRUTAL, a set of BreadDoll dice, and THE INFAMOUS BREADDOLL! Good job killer!
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Hunky Dave takes home a girl. In Gold. FAN FAVORITE!
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Wes was SUPPOSE to attend a gaming lecture at 1pm. He skipped it. Why? SO HE COULD PLAY DREADBALL. And that Coaches, is BEST SPORTSMAN.
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The Tournament Organizer and BreadDoll co-editor got to play! THIRD PLACE.
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Coming off an undefeated season of league play, Brett suffers his first loss in over ten games. SECOND PLACE.
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Geoff nabs BEST PAINTED with a clever Sphyr team. The highlight? A magnetized Guard arm and head that can be swapped for Keeper upgrades. An impeccable build, coached impeccably. Good job old chap. FIRST PLACE.  Geoff’s win grants him a pass to the National Competition in March of 2019.  FYI – right after Geoff builds and paints his upcoming cyborg team, the DreadBall Rules Committee will adjust their rules.

And so, the North American DreadBall Circuit comes to a close for 2018.  Or does it?  If another golden ticket to the National Championship at Adepticon 2019 is on the calendar, let us know in the comments below.  Otherwise, keep the brushes swinging.  Keep the Slams brutal.  Keep the Strikes blistering.  May all of your sixes explode, especially when you’re playing against this Geoff character…

District of Columbia DreadBall Cup Champions

2018 Geoff Burbidge

2017 Dean Winkelspecht

2016 Xanth Squires

2015 Xanth Squires

DC DC 2018 FB Event

SAVE THE DATE: JANUARY 27, 2019.  EVENT HORIZON.