Rush Report: CORT Season 7 Sacko & Championship

The seventh season of DreadBall CORT has officially wrapped.  While a celebratory, post-season Ultimate match will see the top ranked six Coaches compete in September, the worst and the the first have been crowned.

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Among CORT’s many traditions, each season is named.  Previous years have included;

S3 The Search for Spock

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S4 IV

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S5 Slaughterhouse Five

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and S6 Christ Punchers

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Most seasons are titled after pop culture references.  Season seven’s title, “Fresh Meat,” was literal.  For the first time since it’s inception, CORT welcomed two new coaches into the fold.  Their season debuts could not have been more different and their final matches are detailed below.

THE CORT DB S7 SACKO

VETERAN Steve’s Diaspora (Yndij)  vs FRESH MEAT Gavrie’s Bruce (Sphyr)

The Sacko is played to determine the Coach with the worst season record.  In a surprisingly tight field, the bottom game squared veteran Steve against fresh meat Gavrie.

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Set up is complete, and miniature truck nuts serve as a score marker. A ball launch takes on weighted meaning.
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Striker Scaramucci takes the early lead after Rush 1 with a 3 point Strike.
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Striker Megamouth keeps the game lively with a 2 point Strike to finish Rush 2.
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Rush 3. Rinse and repeat: The Mooch sinks another 3.
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And in turn, Megamouth scores another 2 to finish Rush 4.
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The Yndij in the backfield increase their lead. Another 3 point Strike at the end of Rush 5 puts the Diaspora ahead by a commanding 5.
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Rushes 6 & 7 are keep away, and repositioning. At the top of the 8th Rush, Stubborn Megamouth finds himself in a well guarded strike zone.
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By the end of Rush 8, the stealthy shark swims by threats for an easy 2 point Strike. Steve’s Yndij lose a bit of their lead. The Diaspora are ahead by 3.
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Rush 9. And the tide turns! The Yndij lose the ball in a failed Dash.
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The Sphyr capitalize on an Yndij fail, picking up the ball and attempting to score 2 points on Rush 10.
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But the Strike attempt failed.
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Back and forth, back and forth! Even scoring sends both Coaches into the final pair of Rushes with the Yndij still ahead by 3.
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A heavily guarded Strike attempt at the end of Rush 13. One success needed, one success rolled.
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Hammerhead sinks a 2 point Strike to finish the match with some R E S P E C T.  Steve’s Yndij Diaspora win.
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One the smartest, funniest, and good natured Coaches of all time is awarded the CORT Sacko Trophy.  He may be new to the sport and league, but Gavrie is not to be taken lightly.  He took a beating in the standings, but that recored does not account for games well played. Remarkably close matches throughout the season made Gavrie a constant threat. Now with Sacko in hand, Gavrie has the duty to “modify” the award before passing it to next season’s last place.

THE CORT DB S7 Championship

FRESH MEAT Brett’s Mean Machine (Male Corporation)  vs VETERAN Zak’s Russia’s Red Twitter Bot Army (Brokkr)

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A perfect Corporation record with a new coach, competes against a slow burning juggernaut Veteran.  It’s a match of green horns vs. a four time league champion!
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Set up is complete and a miniature Golden Blaine serves as the score marker.
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An action packed 1st Rush! The Brokkr head to score and The Ball Shatters! A new ball is launched and is followed by Run Interference! However, Mean Machine’s Bobby Boucher Jr. fails the pick up.
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The Brokkr finish Rush 1 with a castle break and 3 point Strike.
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The Mean Machine’s Shane Falco runs to grab the ball in Rush 2. And fails.
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The Brokkr capitalize, and Striker @Ozy Bear sinks 2 points at the end of Rush 3.
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Brett’s embarrassed Shane Falco redeems himself with a proper ball pick up, and 2 point Strike. End of Rush 4.  3 point lead for Zak.
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Rush 5 ends without a Strike. Instead, Guard @underthemotic looks at the ball.
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Rush 6. Fancy footwork puts Brett’s meanies into scoring position. 2 points! Zak’s lead is narrowed to 1.
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Rush 7.  A launched Ball Strikes a player.  A successful Dodge, but eventually – a failed pick up.  The ball scatters.
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Brett’s Mean Machine takes the lead in Rush 8.
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And Zak turns the pendulum with a 2 point Strike response. End of Rush 9.
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2 in the 10th!
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Zak’s Team Captain rolls down to pitch for a deep castle break through. Meanwhile, a challenging 2 pointer is scored by a grizzled Jack. Zak leads by 1 again at the end of Rush 11.
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Back and forth between Rushes! At the end of Rush 13, Zak has tied the game.
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Despite a last ditch Even effort by Zak, Brett’s Jimmy Dix scores 1 for the win.

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Reigning Champion Zak passes the torch (i.e. the well worn and battle scarred DreadBalls Championship Trophy) to the new winner. Brett finishes the season with a perfect record, a trophy, and the gratitude of other CORT coaches [Gratitude that Zak has been defeated in the Championship match]. Brett now has the duty of making “modifications” to the trophy before handing it to next season’s champ.
Several CORT Coaches will have an opportunity to seek revenge and hurl final insults during the post-season Ultimate match.  BreadDoll readers can anticipate another Rush Report from that game.  Meanwhile, Gavrie begins considering his team draft for Season 8.  That season will see its first ball launch in October.  Do readers have suggestions for CORT’s season 8 name?  Let us know in the comments below.

 

Long live DreadBall.  Long live CORT.

 

 

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