Scattered Scullery: BreadDoll Origin

Fresh from the oven is a tale for losers.  It’s the history of the BreadDoll!

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I organize DreadBall tournaments in the Mid-Atlantic area of the United States.  I love competitive play, meeting new coaches, learning new strategies, visiting with old friends, and hanging around in game stores.  Who wouldn’t want to organize a DreadBall tournament?

I also love making tournament trophies.  Not high-end, expensive trophies.  I mean ridiculous, kit-bashed trophies.  The materials are usually inexpensive, the time to build can vary, but the result is always from the heart.

First, second, third place trophies are fun.  But I enjoy the superlatives the most; Most Brutal, Fan Favorite, Best Sportsmanship, Best Painted…  But last place?

 

It’s British custom to award a wooden spoon to last place contestants.  Originally conceived at the University of Cambridge for barely passing math students, the wooden spoon award would somehow migrate to rugby, tennis, and soccer (I’m a full blooded American.  It’s soccer.). So it would be with DreadBall.  Last place coaches in DreadBall tournaments receive a wooden spoon.

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The North American DreadBall Circuit manager, “Chopper” Lewis, encouraged a decidedly American take on the wooden spoon; the plastic spoon.

I felt I could do better.  But it wasn’t without help from a friend.

I met my buddy Paul Gerarden at a King of Tokyo tournament.  Then we started playing other games; Blood Bowl Team Manager, X-Wing TMG, etc…  He knew of my fondness for silly tournament trophies and messaged me on January 27, 2016:

01/27/2016 9:29PM
Free idea for a dreadball trophy: the bread doll prize.  Somebody who is playing the wrong game.

Despite a skill set for crossword puzzles, I adore word play.  Puns, metaphors, similes.  Alliteration, assonance, consonance.  Or in the case of the BreadDoll – spoonerism.  Spoonerism is an error in speech in which corresponding consonants or vowels are switched between two words in a phrase.  These are named after an Oxford don and ordained minister, William Spooner.  Since a spoonerism has British provenance,  an alternative BreadDoll trophy for last place in a DreadBall tournament makes perfect sense (to me).

And the awarded coach can eat it.  All powers of the BreadDoll are immediately transferred to the devourer.  What power you ask?  You’ll have to earn one to find out…

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(Coach Steven Jascizek taking home both Most Brutal and the BreadDoll)

How to make your own BreadDoll:

1.  Buy a tube of crescent rolls from your FLGS (Friendly Local Grocery Store).
2.  Roll, stretch, and repeat the dough into two very long lengths.
3.  Pretzel the lengths into the form of MAN.  Be mindful of stress points around the “neck.”
4.  Garnish form with sugar & spice (I prefer cinnamon and brown sugar).
5.  Bake according to crescent roll instructions.
6.  After cooling, wrap the BreadDoll in foil for safe transport to the tournament.
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